Yippee-ki-yay, Mofo...

If there is one thing I hate more than the constant glut of unoriginal remakes and sequels, it’s ageing actors deciding to reprise a famous role 10+ years after their previous stint. We’ve had Rocky and next year sees Rambo and Indiana Jones return to our screens. Stallone is 61 tomorrow, Ford is 65 next week. I hope I’m capable of taking on the entire Soviet military when I’m in my 60s! Go Rambo… Go!

Which brings me to Mister Bruce Willis. At only 52 he could be jumping from helicopters and shouting Yippee-ki-yay, Motherfucker for another decade or so yet, and if Die Hard 4 is anything to go by, I wouldn’t put it past him.

Let me say this, this movie is not a patch on the first Die Hard. Not even close. Yet I still left the cinema with a huge smile on my face, content in the knowledge that it is possible for an ageing actor to return to his most famous role without ruining my memories.

The plot is woeful. In fact it got me wondering what the studio exec meeting must have been like. Something like this?

Evil Exec 1: Mr Willis. Want to do another Die Hard?
Bruce: Yippee-ki-yay, Motherfucker
Evil Exec 2: That’s great. Now we realise you’re old…

Bruce dropkicks Evil Exec 2 through the window.

Bruce: Welcome to the party pal!
Evil Exec 3: Anyway, we thought we could do a movie that plays on the fact you are past it.

Bruce fires a ball point pen straight through the heart of Evil Exec 3.

Bruce: Take *that* under advisement, jerkweed.
Evil Exec 1: The point is, that we wanna make a movie in which your more traditional ball-busting skills have to take on some, what we in the biz like to call ‘cyber’ terrorists.
Bruce: Cyber terrorists? Who gives a shit about Cyber terrorists? Who the fuck is this?
Evil Exec 4: It would be a movie about an enemy that uses computers against the World. And by the World we mean the USA! USA! USA!
Evil Exec 1: Better still we could have the ‘cyber’ terrorists attack on Independence Day. It would be symbolic.
Evil Exec 4: Plus we could throw in loads of your old lines, make constant references to the fact you are old and instead of having your wife pissed off with you… Why not your grown up daughter?

Bruce strangles Evil Exec 4 using a shoe lace between his teeth.

Evil Exec 1: You see we have to be bigger and better than before. In Die Hard 1 you saved a building full of people. In Die Hard 2 you saved an airport and a whole load of planes. In Die Hard 3 it was a whole city. This time… this time Bruce, you’ll save the whole fucking country.
Bruce: How can the same shit happen to the same guy 4 times?
Evil Exec 1: You’re the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time Bruce. It’s what you do best.
Bruce: Story of my life.

The plot really is that basic. But in a way, that’s what gives this movie its charm. The bad guys motives (which are ludicrous beyond belief) aren’t important and neither really are his actions. What matters is riding shotgun with Bruce as he kills people in spectacular fashion.

There are some nice touches. McClanes view on heroism and how it has treated him in life is quite poignant. But this ain’t no touchy feely movie. This is about men (and occasionally women, but mainly men) killing every motherfucking thing around them. GRRR!

The villain ( Timothy Olyphant) does his job without ever being spectacular. Truth is it’s really hard to follow the likes of Alan Rickman, but he hams it up nicely.

McClanes sidekick is Dodgeballs and Galaxy Quests likable nerd Justin Long. Unsurprisingly, he plays a cyber-nerd who is the only hacker left who can beat the big bad. Add in a rather comical cameo by Kevin Smith as the Yoda-esque cyber-sage called Warlock and you’ve got the makings of a disaster.

And yet, this was one of the most enjoyable films I’ve watched all year. The action is spectacular and if I have a criticism it’s that, in an effort to be bigger and better Die Hard 4 goes way way way OTT. While Die Hard stretched the boundaries of what was believable, the stunts were still realistic; a fit guy actually could do those things. Here, McClane becomes a little less like the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time and a little more like Jack Bauer; an indestructible superhero. But hey, it’s not a major gripe, and thankfully he’s nowhere near as annoying as SuperBauer!

I think the secret of Die Hard 4 being successful is that it follows the pattern laid down by Terminator 3. Everyone knows that Bruce is a bit too old to be doing this. And so the makers have given us a movie that takes the piss out of itself. It is not serious, and it’s completely OTT, hence the reason for having a plot with more holes in it colander. McClane should have died 5 times over before the first hour is up, but he doesn’t. Why? Because it’s Die Hard!

Great fun and totally recommended if you want a film that is pure brawn and zero brains. Let’s just hope they don’t make another one!

George W or George III

Fun blog comparing American under the control of President Bush now and King George III 230 years ago!

Am not so sure the canadians will love the idea of joining up with the US to form a new nation though!

Happy Independence Day to all my friends over in that extremely scary place they call the US of A.

Newsreader fights back

There is no doubt that news is becoming more and more irrelevant. In the US the entire emphasis is on covering celebrity bollox while ignoring the true issues in our world today.

Well one newsreader finally snapped and decided to take a stand. Mika Brzezinski, newsreader on the MSNBCs Morning Joe programme decided to take issue with her producers decision to put the Paris Hilton story as the lead.

While I commend the newsreader for taking a stand, it was very sad to see her co-presenters acting in such a pathetic and childish way towards her actions.

Gore is more popular than all other Presidential candidates

For a man who was renowned as being a figure of fun, it's quite a turnaround.

In a recent poll Al Gore came out as being more popular than all of the Presidential candidates. Whether this new found love for the Bob Geldof of climate change will force him to reconsider his position is another matter.

The 2008 election is such a tough one to call. It's looking like Hillary Clinton (or maybe Barak Obama) vs Rudy Giuliani. The problem is that Clinton has massive baggage and is not seen entirely as an anti-war candidate (something which the democrats want). Oh and she's a woman. It may be the 21st century but there are still a lot of people who do not feel a woman can handle such a job (Thatcher anyone? Oh wait, she was more of a man really!).

Obama is young and a bit of an unknown quantity. He's black which immediately hurts him in the south. It shouldn't, but only a moron would try to say it won't.

Giuliani, while the most popular choice amongst Republicans, is divisive. His stance on abortion and gun laws is alienating him from the traditionalist Republican base.

If Al Gore was to throw his hat into the ring, boy would it get interesting. Now there's a sentence I didn't believe I'd ever be writing!

Day After Tomorrow...

The last couple of days really have been like something out of 'The Day After Tomorrow'.

The flooding in Sheffield & Rotherham started around lunchtime on June 25th and completely overwhelmed the region. By the time I left work 25 miles to the North half of Sheffield was out of power and the roads were becoming impossible to navigate. In the end it took me over 6 hours to get home (at one point I move about 500 yards in an hour).

Truly petrifying experience. My car was battered by mud, gravel and spillwater flowing down hills and I had to jump out a few times to re-attach mud guards that had been ripped off.

Got home to find no power and it wasn't restored until late last night. We've now been told that there will be rolling blackouts for the next 48 hours as the power companies struggle with the sheer scale of the problems.

There are loads of videos on the web, but here is a selection of interesting ones:

Shef Weds football club. My house is half a mile (uphill, thankfully) from here.
Meadowhall flooding. One of the largest shopping malls in Britain is a mess. All ground floor shops have suffered damage internally. The stock lost will run into the millions.
The RAF rescue. The RAF pulled over 100 people out of swamped buildings well into the night.

4 people have now died in the floods around the region and with more rough weather expected at the weekend, the fear is that the rivers may not have receded enough to prevent this happening again.