Monday, January 05, 2004

Top invasion destinations 2004

With the curtain having just been raised on the Presidential Primaries in the US, you'd imagine that the last thing on a Presidents mind would be invading another country. I mean, war may be good for business, but surely not in an election year. However, you should never underestimate the planners of our New American Century (TM), and for this reason I've compiled a list of the likely invasion destinations for King George 'The Unelected' and Footstool Tony:

Many peoples hot favourite for a taste of democracy american-style, this little country has the audacity to be bang in between the tranquil, free, american dreamland of Iraq and the land of milk and honey - Israel. With Bush pushing to make the middle east a safe place for all western businessmen you just can't have a rogue nation sitting on your doorstep threatening the father of all peace-loving doves Ariel Sharon. Plus with Saddam eager to cut any deal he can to avoid a public stoning in the newly renamed George W Bush square, Baghdad, Syria must be getting mighty worried that the former hugging partner of Donald Rumsfeld might finger them for those missing WMDs. But all is not lost yet Syria. Saddam may yet find all those receipts from American military corporations just in time for Bush to sweep the whole affair under the carpet as America goes to the polls. Just hope he doesn't win, otherwise... your collective arses are his come 2005.

Iran had a stroke of luck recently. If you can call an earthquake wiping out 50,000 people and devastating a nation luck, but it seems that soft-touch Bush just doesn't have the heart to invade a country which is in such desperate need of aid. Plus the potential for getting some american contractors in there to help repair the damage is just too much. Nevertheless, Iran is also sandwiched between two newly freed, democratic havens, Iraq and Afghanistan. Add to the list the recent oil finds in southern Iran and the possibility of routing the worlds most profitable oil pipeline all the way across the middle east may prove too tempting.

North Korea
Just cause it has hardly been reported on in 50 years doesn't mean the war is over. We are still technically only in a prolonged cease-fire with the North Koreans. This may have something to do with a quarter of america's armed forces being concentrated in the region. The Cold War may have ended, but there is nothing a patriotic american likes more than a bit of commie-bashin. Plus, with Korea being on the verge of becoming a fully recognised nuclear power it makes sense to try to stamp out any problems. Trouble is, that war in that region would be so bad for business given the amount of US money invested in the far east. Plus there is credible evidence to suggest that Korea may already possess a rocket powerful enough to reach the western united states. If that's true then baby Bush may just choose to cut a deal with North Korea and let them and the population of Los Angeles off the hook.

This member of old Europe may be a rank outsider, but France has been getting mightily big for it's boots in recent years. What with telling America it should try talking to those strange barbarian folk in Aye-Rack rather than just killing them, it would seem that the once long time friends of the US have been cut off the Christmas card list in favour of the nation that they helped the US defeat, Britain. Bush is said to favour an invasion of France as his top advisors have told him that Paris can be occuppied with 3 tanks and longbowman.

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